Making the Best Of Any Situation
by peroxidepest17
Summary: Yumichika’s chilling report regarding Ikkaku’s fight with Edorad comes back to haunt them both.


**Title:** Making the Best of Any Situation  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Pairing/Character/s: **Ikkaku, Yumichika, Iba  
**Word Count:** 748  
**Warning/s: **Spoilers for chapters in the early-to-mid 200s somewhere. I think. LOL I don't remember.  
**Summary:** Yumichika's chilling report regarding Ikkaku's fight with Edorad comes back to haunt them both. (i.e. why Yumichika decided to be so severe in his wording when Ikkaku really just got off with a couple of scratches and some minor blood loss he promptly walked off afterwards).  
**Dedication:** Well, ever since reading sophiap's "BFF" I kind of was in the mood for more Ikkaku and Yumi buddy ficcage. So I guess credit goes to her, though my Ikkaku will NEVER BE ABLE TO COMPETE. Though to be fair it's hard to be compared to the best. XD  
**A/N: **I feel out of practice. And kind of brain dead. OH SCHOOL HOW YOU HURT ME. Also, this should probably count as a drabble but since I stopped at 500 I get to cheat and pretend it's not. HA.

* * *

When Ikkaku and Yumichika followed Kenpachi and Byakuya through the gateway back into Soul Society, the first thing that greeted Ikkaku was a familiar voice screaming, "You owe me money, you fucking weak ass shit!!"

Which of course, only made the third chair pause, made him blink. "What?"

Iba stood in front of the pair in menacing greeting, arms crossed as he glared down at them (his most intimidating pose by far). "Money, asshat! Money! I can't believe you've still got the gall to show yer goddamn face around here after what happened."

Ikkaku stared. "Buh?"

"Don't act like you don't know, shit-head. The reports went out everywhere across the wire that you assholes were fightin' an arrankar and _Yumi," _he growled, "announced to the whole fuckin' court that we needed to make funeral arrangements for _your _weak ass self."

Ikkaku turned to his best friend, all indignant at the revelation. "You told them to make _funeral preparations_? I was _winnin'_!"

Yumichika simply shrugged, looking completely unapologetic. "Of course you were, Ikkaku. One does like to be prepared, however."

"Like hell," Ikkaku muttered, and on the other man's expression, knew that _something_ more was up than just that. Something always was when it came to the fifth seat.

As for Iba, "Why the hell would me dyin' mean I owe you money, asshole?" the bald shinigami demanded, brow twitching.

Iba scoffed. "Well that is… I mean…" Pause. Fidget. Cough. "'Cuz I bought a suit."

A beat.

And then Ikkaku promptly forgot his annoyance and almost—almost— laughed out loud. "You bought a _suit_?"

"Yeah. 'Cuz I don't got one for funerals. And don't you fuckin' laugh, I swear ta god I'll punch you right in the fuckin' face if you laugh at me, you fuckin' asshole."

Ikkaku didn't laugh. But he did grin real big, and that was as good as the same thing. "Aw, that's really damned sweet of ya, Iba. I guess I'm kinda touched."

"And now I can't _return_ it," Tetsuzaemon added, returning to the original purpose of this conversation. "Which is why you owe me money."

The grin faded from Ikkaku's face at the reminder. "Like hell I do. You bought it for _you_ to wear, fucker."

"I bought it 'cuz everyone was gettin' ready for _you _to be dead! Lotsa other people went out and got stuff too, so I ain't the only one you owe money to for bein' alive!"

Ikkaku's jaw twitched this time, and he took a step forward, getting up in his friend's face. "How 'bout I just kill you? Then you can wear it to your own damn funeral! Get your fuckin' money's worth!"

Iba didn't back down. "Or I could kill you first and it can be used for its original purpose! Wouldn't that be nice?"

"Or you could keep it, Iba," Yumichika suggested sensibly, sliding between the two would-be combatants fluidly and consequently, sending them both skittering backwards at the sudden proximity. He smirked then, sighing in a fluttery kind of _mocking _way at them. "I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, everyone really _should_ own at least _one _type of formal ensemble for such occasions, after all. It's really quite practical."

Iba blinked.

Ikkaku stared.

"Hey, waitaminute…" they both said after a very—very— long moment of putting all the pieces of the puzzle together. The pair turned and pointed at the third party accusatorily once the picture was complete.

Yumichika just chuckled, ever patient. "My, have I been found out?" Smirk. "_Finally_?"

Iba and Ikkaku looked at each other.

And then, "COMPROMISE!" they both snarled in unison, before rolling up their sleeves and advancing on Ayasegawa threateningly. Promptly forgetting their earlier ire at one another, the pair moved in flawless combination towards the _real_ responsible party, each in search of his respective compensation.

"Five hundred bucks, Yumi! FIVE HUNDRED!"

"Everyone's gonna think I'm a weak ass _pansy_ thanks to you, you fuckin' fruitcake! AND hit me up for cash on top of that!"

Yumichika simply giggled and without further ado, took off running.

And as he fled, he wondered to himself—merrily— what sort of crisis it would take to get Tetsuzaemon (and a number of Ikkaku's other close friends) to go out and get suitably fashionable haircuts to compliment their nice new formal wear.

In any case, the fifth seat thought it was definitely something to plan ahead for, should the opportunity to force their hand ever come up again.

**END**


End file.
